By Marc Carver
Give me just one
one moment of pure joy
just a needle’s head
a reversal of time
let it sink into my bones
that pure love
it destroys me
I walked to the big aviary in the park
you could hear the noise of all those beautiful birds from miles away.
I walked right up to them
then as if they all hold just one voice
they stopped singing and were perfectly quiet.
I don’t know what they saw that so scared them
there was nobody else there but me
but they didn’t make a sound.
I went into the golden dragon in Chinatown
got a table for one
and ordered some food
but all the Chinese people got served before me.
I started to get hungry when six boxes of dim sum
made its way to a Chinese family
steam rolling off the top.
Their young boy kept staring at me.
Hey kid I know I am ugly I wanted to shout at him
but instead I winked a couple of times
Then I noticed the Chinese man with his wife staring at me
thinking I was winking at him.
I gave him a smile
and he looked away.
We are all fools
doing things for no real reason
crashing off each other like snooker balls
hoping one day we may do something of brilliance
so everybody can say how great we are
only to realize
how unimportant it is to be recognised by others
even of greatness.
But on we go
trying to grasp onto that passing cloud
looking for something
trying to find something
but the secret is
it is never quite what we thought it to be.
My words are underlined by hatred
just under the surface
but holding them up to the light
however much I would want them to be about love
where I see it
how I feel it
and even doves could come down
and fly off with one word at a time
all attached to each other like a kite
I really, really don’t feel it