By Thomas Page


Good morning, miss.

How may I help you today?

I apologize for the wait.


A food worker named Taylor

Said you couldn’t get your passholder cup?


I’ll let his manager know

But you pick up your passholder cup here.

May I see your pass?

So that I can scan it.

For your cup.

The passholder cup is red and the general park cup is yellow.

They’re different colors so that you can tell the difference.

It also says “passholder” on the front.

May I see your pass?

We don’t put photos on them anymore so we use fingerprints.

For added security.

Our sister park in New Jersey did it so we’re standardizing it for the whole system.

You’re supposed to use your right index finger.

Your pointer finger.

This one.

The one by your thumb.

Did the admissions person tell you that?


We’re still figuring out the new system ourselves.


It seems that you’ve already redeemed your passholder cup.


Do you want to replace it?

It’ll be $5.00.

I’m sorry miss but that’s the what my computer is telling me.

Yes, you may.

My name is Thomas.

Like how it spelt on my name tag.


May I help you with anything else today?


I can’t retroactively pay for your parking today.

Did you buy a Gold Pass?

That has parking on it included.

No, miss, it’s the cheaper option.

Parking added to a regular pass is $70.00.

You already paid for it?

May I see your voucher?

It has a barcode on it.

Do you have the receipt or the email?


Tell me the confirmation number.



Let me read it back to you:

Alpha-0-2-3-7-Tango-Charlie-Double 0-1-1.

Is that correct?

Let me check what my computer says.

I’m sorry, miss,

But it seems that you’ve already added parking to one of your passes.

May I see them all?

So that I can check which one has parking on it.

Thank you.

Okay, Jayden has the parking pass on her pass.

I apologize, his pass.

Do you want me to move it yours?

You only bought one parking pass.

Take a look at this pamphlet.

You bought our $49.99 Season Pass Bundle.

Each bundle comes with one parking pass.

No, I cannot offer a refund.

Company policy.


I’ll get my manager.

Please wait here so that I can get her.


The best we can do,

As you heard my manager say,

Is offer you this hot dog voucher.

I’m sorry it’s only for hot dogs.

Company policy.

Yes, I understand that you value your money.

We do, too.

You have to realize that I’m just a face of a multi-million dollar company. I have no sway over what the policy is. I was hired because I look mean and I have cashier and guest relation experience. I hate this as much as you do. This hot dog voucher is our way of saying “get lost lady, we can’t do anything.” We can’t let you cheat the park out of $200.00 today so eat your darn hot dog and buy the overpriced licensed merchandise.

Have a great day!

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