I have the same feeling I had before the covid
people would walk away from me
or look at me strangely
or worry when I got too close to them
only now
they make it more obvious
and now they have a real reason
Not me
I listen to the neighbours as they talk to their young son in the garden.
Nicholas has done this and done that always in a nice way as he potters about laughing
but I can’t help but think
referring to him in the third person might make him doubt his existence as he gets older.
He may do things and write them off as somebody else.
Then again we can all do that
I wasn’t my fault
I went to the shop for my wine
I forgot my mask so I put the scarf around my face
 the young girl looked at me like she wanted a masked man for some love.
 I thought about telling the young man behind the counter
that the last time I was dressed like this
I got three to five
but I know it would have been wasted on him.
As I went for my run
I thought about sneaking out for my second outside of the day and walking in the thunder storms to come.
They surely would
and I may even get hit by lightning,
 I could wear one of those German world war one steel hats with the spike on
or a weather vain, cock
to see what happens
and other people could see which way the wind was blowing
as they walk past me with raised eyebrows.
You never know
when your time is up it is up
but sometimes
it is good to give life a little hand.
I took it to the garden to bury it.
Down and down I dug until I hit another one.
This one was buried deep but only because I knew that I could not open it
It had been there since the beginning of time
my time anyway.
It was impossible to open I knew that.
But this one had to go very deep
now it had come to the surface again.
You see I had almost forgot about it but it had been there always just under the surface.
So I dug and I dug until I got tired and threw it in and covered it.
The next day I was refreshed from my sleep I looked out into the garden and there it was
proud as punch for everybody to see.

The sea air passes through my fingers as I lift my hands into the air
 the waves orchestrate the wind
and I push them apart
there is nothing but this moment to conquer
no future
no past
All desires are taken away by the sea and the air.

One thought on “Poems by Marc Carver

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