Love or Aesthetics?
Whenever I stare at your beautiful face
I feel like my mind is at an empty abyss.
I just then notice that I am out of place.
When you are not around, I feel something is amiss.
Your elegance captures the many hearts
Of those people lucky enough to see
Your beauty that looks like valuable art
That several people wish to retrieve
However, sometimes I begin to ponder
If what I feel for you is really romance?
Or is it just a feeling of great wonder
Whenever at your beauty, I start to glance?
It’s difficult for me to comprehend
And it is surely hard for me to deal
Are my feelings just a pretend
Or are they surely that real?
It is very hard for me to dig deep and isolate
The emotions that inside of me constantly flutter
I cannot even express them in this confused state
For when you’re in my front, my lips suddenly stutter.
I imagine you not as a flower to be raised
But as a rose I am eager to take and possess
Do I really seek to court you for yourself
Or do I only want your beauty and nothing else?
Whenever you come into my rattled mind
I can only recreate pictures of your beauty
I do not imagine scenes of you being my wife
Or someone I will be with for eternity
Perhaps what I feel is simply just lust
Simply a feeling of admiration
It makes me then hard to trust
The content of my true emotions
Besides, I know that you will never be mine
Even if I try to capture your attention.
Yet I continue to convince myself that I’ll be fine
Even if it is not the ideal or best solution.
Perhaps the best course is to discard all these needless theatrics
And continue to honestly appreciate your gifted, envied aesthetics
Whenever I open my eyes with the dawn of a new day
I breathe deeply then wished in my sleep I just died
For the anguish of the yesteryears don’t want to go away
I felt my life had no purpose, that I led myself astray
The day moves on sluggishly with excruciating pain
Never thought my mind would be painfully maimed
By the memories and reminisces inside my brain
Such grief and gloom that makes me so insane
The sadness that I obtained in my life had gone so deep
That it continues to latch on even when I sleep
An emotional baggage that I never wanted to keep
I wish all of these would go away with just one beep
But I guess it would be hard for me to distance
Myself from all and every events and instance
The actions which became my own penance
My grief that makes me unable to see life’s elegance
I wish that it would be very easy for me to forget
The actions (or lack thereof) that I have set
The words that I have unintentionally said
The things that in my life, I deeply regret
But I guess I would have to march on
No matter my life’s desired direction
I cannot lose my optimism and conviction
Even after my life’s burning flame has been gone
I guess I will continue and with all my tribulations, I will deal
Rather than give up and offer myself as a sacrificial kill
Wei-Chih Eudela is a half-Filipino and half-Taiwanese currently residing in the Philippines. He mainly write poems, novels, essays, and scripts. He also graduated from Paranaque National High School-Main and aside from writing, He loves talking about politics, listening to music, and learning new languages.